Getting Advice

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. – Erica Jong

"If only someone could tell me what to do."  I'm sure all of us have said, or at least thought, this at some point in our lives.  Maybe we are wondering about that guy or girl that is interested in us.  Maybe we are wondering if we should buy a house or keep renting.  Maybe we are wondering what career to peruse or whether or not to take that job offer.  Maybe we are wondering what to do about that sticky personal situation.  Whatever the situation, we have all been at that place in our life where we didn't know what to do and we wish there was someone who could give us an easy answer to our problem.

This wish-fulness has led to people adopting the 'lucky dip' method of reading their bible, or to people 'putting out a fleece.'  Hopefully I don't have to point out the folly of the first method and the presumption of the second, so I am going to instead look at the method I think most of us use, which is to ask those that we trust for advice. I want to outline a couple of principles that I think are important to keep in mind when asking for advice

Ask someone who knows

When you are getting financial advice, you probably don't want to ask someone who has spent the last 5 years building up a mountain of credit card debt and if you are asking for marriage advice you probably don't want to go to your triple divorcee friend.  It seems like a very obvious thing, but I think many of us wind up making this mistake.  We ask those who are easy to talk to, or we ask those who are in our peer group, instead of going to those who would have real insight into the situation.  The teenager looking for advice about a career to pursue, probably isn't going to get to much useful information by asking his buddies who are all in the same boat as him.  When seeking advice we need to find those who we can reasonably expect to provide wisdom and insight into the situation.

Ask someone who knows you

Just because someone has expertise is a certain area, does not mean they will apply it correctly to your situation.  Something that may be good advice for one situation could be bad in another.  Find someone who knows at least a bit about your life situation and what your value system is.  In spite of what you may believe, getting advice from someone who knows you and has a level of care for you and your situation actually tends to give better 'search results' than Google can! Hard to believe, I know! Advice from someone who is involved in your life will be better tailored to your needs and will often be more in line with what your really need to hear.

Ask more than one person

If you only go to one person for all the advice you need, be that your spouse or your dad or your sister or whatever,  you can easily get stuck in a feedback loop with each other.  You can end up going a certain way simply because of missing the view of other possibilities.  This isn't to say, of course, that every decision needs multiple inputs or even that one certain person (like your spouse) should not be involved in every major decision you make, but it is to say that occasionally branching out to get advice from people outside your normal circle will help you see new avenues and open you up to options you may not have otherwise considered

Think for yourself

When we voice the question at the start of this article we often mean something like 'I want someone to decide for me so I don't have to accept the consequences of this choice.' That is an option we do not have. No matter how wise and caring the people that you talk to are, you are still the one that has to live with your decision.  Don't blindly accept advice without thinking it through for yourself and making sure it is applicable and wise in your situation.  Advice from others is not a way to pass on the responsibility for what happens.  If someone gives you bad advice and you follow through with it, the consequences and responsibility lie on you. 

Pray

You don't need to 'put out a fleece' for prayer to be an effective tool in decision making.  Not only is it a spiritually up-building experience to bring your troubles to God, it can also be a great way of thinking through the issues.  People sometimes complain that there is no point in praying since God doesn't respond with a booming voice from heaven telling us the answer, but perhaps we are missing the point.  Perhaps it isn't about God verbally answering our prayers but instead is about God hearing our prayers.  A God who doesn't interrupt you is a good listener and sometime a good listener can help you understand your situation.  God does not take away our responsibility for our actions by telling us what to do at every step, but he does delight to hear us tell him about our decision (or indecision for that matter).  Cast your cares on him who cares for you, and watch as your burden lightens in the peace that exceeds your understanding.